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Halloween

Mothers Net

Short Mothers Jokes

    My friend Myron tells me, "Last year on Mother's Day the whole family got together for a big dinner and afterward, when Mom started to clean up, I said to her, "Don't bother with those dishes, Mom. Today is Mother's Day, you can always do them tomorrow."
    Joey Adams
    _____________________________________________

    There's not a lot of warmth between me and my mother. I asked her about it. I said "Mrs. Stoller..."
    Fred Stoller
    _____________________________________________

    If it's five o'clock and the children are still alive, I've done my job.
    Roseanne
    _____________________________________________

    I think I'd be a good mother. Maybe a little overprotective. Like I would never let the kid out - of my body.
    Wendy Liebman
    _____________________________________________

    An angry mother took her son to the doctor and asked, "Is a nine-year-old boy able to perform appendectomy?"

    "Of course not," the doctor said impatiently.

    The mother turned to her son and said, "What did I tell you? Now put it back."
    _____________________________________________

    The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
    Robert Benchley
    _____________________________________________

    A woman came to ask the doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."
    Gracie Allen
    _____________________________________________

    When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat." Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, Now, what wine goes with that?
    Paula Poundstone
    _____________________________________________

    My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting. And she'd let me lick the beaters. And then she'd turn them off.
    Marty Cohen
    _____________________________________________

    The boy's mother had bought him two new ties. He hurried into his bedroom, immediately put on one of them, and hurried back.

    "Look, Mama! Isn't it gorgeous?"

    His mother said, "What's the matter? You don't like the other one?"



Who Was Born On Your Birthday?


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